I hope you enjoyed your night out.






_______
Which do I hate more?

Is it just me?
Was it just a slip?
Am I just an exclusion?


I don't know.
The processing is hard.




Asking is officially the hardest thing to do.








It might just be me.
I can't wait for this july.


but there's probably nothing to look forward to.
_______



thinking about it a step further,
it might just be me.








i have to be honest.
and stop being uncomfortable.

just genuine.
there's no need for discomfort.






_______

camp is in 3 days and 2 hours.

I am a new person.
I have been touched by the hands of an Angel.
I shall live in the way He wants me to live.





Condemned no more.
Self conscious no more.

Candice is hooked.
Hooked onto 'Boys Over Flowers'
Once a victim, always a victim.
I think I was a Korean in my past life.
There is this sensational drawing to all things Korean.


Dramas,
Boys,
Fashion,
Style,
Music.



This is why I should explore my inner self more.
_______

The past weeks of not posting in my LJ has left me quite empty.
I can hardly remember what happened during the time I stopped blogging except school, home and facebook.
Aside from the sideline drama watching, it's been 3 weeks of school, facebook, home and the occasional College Day rehearsal.
Speaking of which, I intend to totally skip the performance for the 'greater good' as I told Jer.
Saturday is the day the college turns 10 and the day I turn up at Sentosa for PLAY! with the entire caregroup.
How can I skip my responsibility of a soloist and play at the beach with a clear conscience?
I pray (:


Look at the bigger picture:
I have more to lose than the college or the band.

For one I don't get to play as a soloist for the rest of my remaining days in PJ
For two I don't get to see the one person that made school less painful to get through
For three I might stir up mixed emotions from the members
For four I might be seen as an irresponsible individual


BUT

I have plenty to gain still

For one I get to bask under the tuscan sun
For two I get to spend my time wisely
For three I get to have fun, real fun
For four I don't care about others' opinion of me, if the Lord is willing, I will skip the performance to join my beloved west B.





Well, He's willing so I am skipping.
they need to learn how to play anyways.



















Change I can believe in,
The Candice I once knew,
The Candice that abided the rules
Will bend them
Breaking away from the image I built up painstakingly just to resent
Breaking away from conformity
The Candice I once knew ceases to exist as of now.

No more worry
No more pain
No more laziness
No more procrastination
No more fear
No more trust
No more hurt
No more resent
No more straight talking
No more blowing up
No more insensitivity
No more immaturity
Nothing to hide

No more
No more

Thesis is to be submitted on Tuesday.
There is plenty of GP homework to be completed by Tuesday.
There is also a timed assignment to be completed on Tuesday.
Math must be revised.
Economics essay outline is due on Tuesday too.





Magic Word: Holiday.





The teachers love this word apparently.
This means a long weekend of time off to chill out.
Kick back on the recline and snooze.
While the rest of us students slog out our hard-to-come-by school break to finish backlog and fresh assignments.


















5 months and counting.
I will be free.

Tomorrow is a new day.
A new long day ahead, waiting.
waiting silently.
silently to kill.
kill me.
me whole.
whole, alive and breathing.



I guess the only reason, real reason for me to go to school tomorrow is Ms Chan.
She really does make me want to go for band so that i can be assured that my part in Stabat is good enough.
I need to make sure that P is good so that I can fully focus on Celine's tomtom parts.
I am a worried wreck






I am tired, bloated and sick.




I want to go for Arrow this saturday.
I will.
I must.
I will.
I must.

Zac Efron is officially my newest addition to the parade of hot men.
hahaha
noticed i said men? not boys?





_______

tomorrow is inflation test day and the day i go for my "auditions" for college day emcee-ing.
blarrrr.
i need motivation.
i need time.
i need energy.
i need church.






desperado, i flee to the sanctuary.
desperado, i flee to the safe haven i call home.
desperado, save me.
desperado, hear my cry.







sol mart is my new best friend and i shall go shopping come friday.
i need to get a dress ):

10 days to freedom.







Wednesday's the way to go.
By next week, i'm dis-engaged.
Free to stay back and study for the examinations.



I need a camera really badly.
Like really.
I must save for one, now.

Memory.






A dear friend just called from Taiwan,
except I forgot he was in Taiwan and I totally mistook him for being at the Rock.






Training was all well,
the weather is blazing hot as usual, like sunny Singapore.
The only difference is that wind blows by every 20 seconds or so.
So I can so imagine Taiwanese (like farmers in rural China) standing still with arms spread out wide to catch the wind that passes.



















Me and my imagination.
Unicorns.
Pbbth.

The wonder of Katy Perry.
Best describes what I am now.
Catalytic and unpredictable.


I apologise for my insolent behaviour.
Feminism is hard to comprehend and be content with.
It has its benefits, when you are excused from hard labour and the marvel creation called National Service.
It's not like we aren't serving the nation, it's just in a different form of serving.
And it's hard too *grim face*

homemaking, cookery, dressing to impress or kill, picking a suitable colour for nails in different seasons, ensuring that makeup isn't too thick or too light, looking good everyday ... the list goes on. The toughest has to be maintaining a disguise when gossiping or checking out a hot guy.






*sigh*
Feminism.
Life is never easy when you're a woman.
Red.
Yellow.
Fat.
Slim.
Tight.
Loose.

It's just so hard to match these up to create a perfect fit.

I still have 4 essays due.
Procrastination.


_






I hope to fall ill tmr so I can skip lectures and just go for band.
But God doesn't allow me to fall sick.
He says it's not good for me.
):



_

I want to live in caverns now.

pop the magic number (:






twenty one (days)
three (weeks)
one (moment)
eight (minutes)


to freedom.




_______

Today has been quite eventful, with an epiphany.
I will do well for Chemistry :D

I must finish my 5 essays by Friday and I am in a state of panic.
Friends, you must help me okay DD:>
Freaking out freaking out freaking out.

chachavalpongpun

that'll be my future child's name (:





_______


Just kidding!
I will never in my life give someone a Thai name that sounds like a random tribal dance from the deep jungles of Peru


*sighs*
Retest, retest, retest tomorrow.
Wish me luck!

apologies for the correction taping and poor math derivation
but this is something my brother came up with on the way home today.

one error though, mom is inversely proportional to indulgence as well so as food increases, mom decreases.
so mom + dad is 1 still.


(:

Bang Bang,

He shot me down.


Bang Bang,

I hit the ground.



Bang Bang,

That awful sound.


_______


I think her song is really intriguing.
I believe she meant to portray an abuse; running along the lines of weaponry and hurt.

Bang, she was shot.
Bang, she fell to the floor.
Bang, she heard its resonance
Bang, she detested the noise.

He left her.

Left her to die.

Die in shame.

Shame and misery.



She feels herself being detached from her physical being.
Drift away, slowly into the realm beyond.
The bright light.
The bright light at the end.
Slowly but surely, the light ...


_______


Just when she thought it was over,
She heard a voice.

A calm, empowering voice that overcomes her unconsciousness.




It tells her to wake up.
Wake up and tell the world.
Tell the world you will survive.
Scream it out loud.
Be the extraordinary and help the other lost and dying souls out there.
For they are silently crying out for help.



She says yes,
Yes, I will survive.
I will live to tell my story,

My story of shame,  
Of how I fell in love,
Fell in love so deeply I couldn't pull out.

My story of regret,
Of how I chose him over the other guys,
Other guys that could have brought me the happiness I deserve.

My story of tragedy,
Of how I nearly lost my soul to the devil.
Plummet myself into the lowest of hell.


I will survive, I will survive.



I WILL survive.

It is impossible to achieve nothing if you set your hand to it.






It is impossible to score zero out of a hundred for a test you did not study for if you try.







It is impossible to pull Candice away from the computer and various other distractions if she set her heart out to get distracted.








But nothing is impossible.
I nearly got 0/100 for a test I didn't study for today.
I nearly achieved nothing after sitting down infront of my notes for a whole 3 hours.





I need to be more productive.

His only son.

Love, Life, Passion

He gave me love that I may love others like He loved and is still loving me.
He gave me life that I may live it to the fullest of His expectations for me.
He gave me passion, passion for His word and passion for the flavours of life that He sole created.




It has been a tough 4 months.
It is going to only get tougher.
What can and may happen?

1. Breakdown.
2. Mental instability
3. Fatigue
4. Emotional rides


Historymaker VI camp is here.
And I am fretting over every single thing that comes;

1. What'll my parents say?
2. Will they allow me to attend the camp?
3. What about my studies?
4. Will shaving 5 days off from my June break affect my Mid Years?
5. Will I fail?
6. What if there are compulsory classes in June?

And the list goes on ...





However, I have decided that I will leave it up to the Lord.
I don't want to miss out on the camp experience and blessings and faith

Prayer list will be up in a few months
Whether or not I go for camp, I think I will because I trust the Lord, I trust that He will drop a passion for learning and exams in my heart that I will be prepared for the Mid Years even before camp. I trust that no matter how much the cost of camp, my parents will get a 7 fold return and more. This investment is a necessity. This is a divine investment that God sees and will bless infinitely.

Dektos
Dektos 2009





Leave with the knowing that God is my backing and what I have sown dutifully over the last 17 years of my life, He will duly return and with nothing but overflowing

I believe such a state of mind exists, where homosexual actions are approved selectively.

 

I think my mind works wonders.
Homophobia sets in where reality is.
On screen with my favourite actors, it is passable.
I think it's because Joo Ji Hoon and Kim Jae Wook loves women as much as the next guy so I'm fine with it.
I'm quite uncertain about the Frenchman though, Jean Pierre-something
 

I confer 'Antique' with the highest honour.
It is indeed a fine piece.















_______
The happiest news today: The Band is leaving for Korea this December.
Sol Hui ahh~ wait for me!

The class went to the Barrage yesterday.
I have allergies to grass D:
Thus I itch.


Amazing People



(Clockwise from top: Su Wei, Deep, Zi Yang, Keane, Erin, Candice, Samuel, Lynn, Gabriel, Amalina, Syafiqah, Donghui, Joanna)

Jump!



(From left: Syafiqah, Joanna, Lynn, Candice and Amalina)


The Barrage Outing with ZESTt!



(From top left: Clifford, Donghui, Deep, Samuel, Zi Yang, Erin, Gabriel)
(From bottom left: Keane, Su Wei, Joanna, Syafiqah, Amalina, Lynn, Candice)


Advertising for the Flyer
* my favourite picture*





All images credited to dear Clifford ((:

Cliff brought his SLR and took really awesome pictures with it.
As you can see, the hands of a true artisan produces great works :D

I hope his hark disk recovers soon.
Jia you on recovery, Cliff!



Memories that last forever;
08S32



(I think we can photoshop Mr Lee's face in it. Make it totally obvious he didn't come :DD or ... we can just leave the photos as it is, awesome without his face in it, hahaha!)

Today is the last day of everything.
The last day of common tests.
The last day of catalysed stress.
The last day of darkness.
The last day of overwhelmingly difficult questions on the common test paper.



- How common is the common test?

Just to put in practice what I learnt this morning,
China initially had 4 Special Economic Zones (SEZs) when it succumbed to Deng Xiao Ping's Reforms and Opening Up policy.
Its success lead to the sprouting of another 10 zones making it all in all, 14 SEZs currently in China.

Shen Zhen is a highly developed SEZ and since its transformation in the 1980s, its population size has increased from 20,000 to 2 million within a span of 10 years till the 1990s. It is indeed a testament to the Reforms movement of 1989. Another highlight is Shanghai's Pudong area. It has blossomed to become a highly developed area now renowned as the financial hub of China and East Asia.









While all the economic hulabaloo is ongoing, there are still loopholes in Deng's ideology of 'groping stones while crossing the river'. His main idea was to let some people get rich first. The development of coastal cities have left little Foreign Direct Investment (FDI) for inland regions. This has led to an income disparity in China hence calls for government intervention.

The Chinese government has therefore improved accessibility of businessmen and investors by building infrastructure to facilitate their movements into these regions inland. Such infrastructures include to establishment of the Three Gorges Dam that spans the Yangtze river. It not only helps generate much needed hydroelectric power and aid in the movement of investors but also helps to hold back water during monsoon seasons, the period in which centurian flooding of the Yangtze occurs.

_______

Another interesting fact about China is its open society.


"Since when has China been open? Look at its traditional practices and old fashioned tastes!"


Open in the manner that the people are more receptive to foreign ideologies. Kudos to the middle-classmen. They provide the buffer in Chinese economy as they make the bulk of people in professional and white collar jobs. They encompass 20 percent of the population earning nearly RMB6000 a month. Anyhow, despite western criticism, China is unlike what it was 40 years ago during the Cultural Revolution.

The equality cult Mao brought about in the 1960s was, in official Chinese version if history, a "national disaster". Everything was normalised down to the dress code of grey pants and blue tops. No one was allowed to think or criticise. All they had to do was to listen to Mao and his apparatus.

Indeed Deng was a revolutionist. A miracle and wake up call to China.

The Chinese governement does play a large role in beefing up China's economy and selling it to the world. They should continue to push on policies that are pro-business. They must tap on their domestic potential and have close integration with foreign individuals especially in times of crisis (like the sub-prime issue now). This will help to further enhance its comparative advantage (other than cheap labour) over competitive nations like the USA and the EU.

I get bells ringing in my head all the time.
More so when I do bad things.



Flashes, pictures, predictions, gut feelings.



" Do this, do that, all for this, all for that ... "









Somehow, all these never sink in deep enough to get me moving.
I really wonder, was this the right choice?
Had I backed out earlier and chose the alternative, I might have ended up ...



















striving harder.


But all for something I enjoy,
something I can picture me doing for 10 years ...


20 years of my life.









But,

it's not the time to be giving up,
not yet.


There's still 8 months to go.
I must pursue my dreams.
Think of nothing else for these 8 months.

Put aside distractions; that includes the dog. (haha)
Put aside society; social life can wait.
Put aside unnecessary obstacles; this can be accomplished after May (:


Cast them aside,
into flames that burn,
burn with passion and determination for the exams.
The gusto to do well, to excel.
The strive to be able to lift my head high and dispel soothsayings of second class institutes.








It's my declaration
To anyone who's listening.
And my inspiration,
To stand alone, against the world.

- David Cook


I will make it through the rain.
start slow, start small.
speed up and emerge larger than life.







I'm coming back alive and kicking.
You'll see.